*begin again*



in my world there is no right and wrong
only hate. people go around, dumping
canisters of lies over your head and you
like it. they tell you they love you and
you like it. you take it, you eat those
lies right up. i pity you. you think they
love you? how fucking wrong you are.
i walk around, as silently as the truth.
that man you mugged last night, he
wan't lying. the money in his wallet
wasn't his; technically the money you
took from him, less than a minute
before you shot him through the back
of his head as he shat himself, belonged
to his sick kids who he only sees once
a month because judges usually decide
that moms get to keep the kids. that
wad of cash that you took from him and
blew on a nice new designer lambskin
jacket could have given his daughter
the last chemo session that she needs
to overcome her disease, or it could have
paid for the last hit he would squeeze
into his vein before he decides it's time to
get himself tested for the HIV he knows
he has. you know you're dying. you've
got moments to live. and what are you
doing? you're wasting the time.

copyright darla devil enterprises
rebel 1.3.02


it's been a little over a week since i last posted.
i guess things are kinda fucked up right now.
i mean, not as fucked as they were before, but stll...
i'm sitting in the library surrounded by freshmen
and 8th graders. ugh.
i've got crazy cramps and had a stomach thing
last night that i don't think is over.
haven't eaten since then.
didn't go to woman's study this morning, cuz i was sitting on the toilet
;( i hate being sick in school. bah.
i don't know how things with jordan and i are going.
i just can't tell.
one moment he's cozying up to me,
the next he's ignoring me or being annoyed with me.
i'm wondering how long this is going to last.
i slept better last night, but am still wiped out from
3 days of less than 2 hrs of sleep.
the worst was the night jordan broke up with me,
i slept 45 min.
my mom and i have definitely bonded, tho. that's nice.
ugh. must... vomit ::puke:: no, not really, just incredibly nauseated at the moment.
rebel 28.2.02


still really tired,
started new sleepy
med last night, it
took me a while to
get to sleep, but
when i did i slept
through the night
rebel 20.2.02


so very very tired.
my head hurts from
all of the pulling i've
been doing lately.
so this s what my
psychiatrist told me:
"just get over it." so
i will, cuz i think i
need to. it's taken
me a while to realize
just how much i need
to let go. but i have to
start over, begin again,
etc. here we go:
rebel 19.2.02


i'm sick today ;(
don't wanna be
sick, just am. yucko.
bah humbug. my
eyes sting. no going
out for ariel today.
tommorow. *bats away
theme song from annie*

rebel 15.2.02


got it ;p
oi vai. today has sucked
major ass. i think i'm
supposed to get a
valentine-o-gram *via 8's*
today. haven't received it
yet. want to kill someone ;)
rebel 14.2.02

playing with appearances

rebel 14.2.02

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